I start with a slow jam of sorts called Round of Applause. It features Drake. It is one of the worst things I have ever heard. The rapping somehow manages to be both horribly offensive and non-sensical. He just said “OMG.”
Next, Lil Wayne with “John.” It’s really just cussing over ProTools. Additionally, it appears an AK-47 is his f***ing address. He also wants to be remembered like John Lennon. It’s good to have goals.
Next, Lemonade from Gucci Mane. It’s, weird. Children sing the hook, and mercifully, I don’t know what they’re saying. My extremities are starting to feel funny.
Next, Wiz Khalifa with Taylor Gang. This song seems to be mostly about smoking pot, which is a more pleasant topic than the previous three. Spoke too soon. Misogyny makes a violent appearance. Sounds like someone found an orchestral pad in ProTools and decided it was good enough for EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF THE SONG. Also, the chorus is repeating the phrase “Taylor Gang” 24 times. Who says rap is dead?
Next, a commercial. It sounds amazing.
Next, Waka Flocka Flame, O Let’s Do It. He’s f****** with white folks, but he also identifies himself as Al Pacino. There’s a headache forming between my eyebrows.
Next, Drake with Headlines. I think maybe this album is critically acclaimed. It’s better than the other dreck I’ve heard, in truth. I just tapped my foot - only once, but it definitely tapped. It also has a staccato synth sample looping incessantly that reminds me of a Spoon song, and that makes this relatively painless.
Next, Soulja Boy with Pretty Boy Swag. The lyrics sound like they were written by a 8 year old boy with several older brothers. Well, it sounds like that’s who it was rapped by, too. And who it was produced by. Honestly, who likes this? 8 year old boys?
And last, Chris Brown with F.A.M.E. I’m really trying to tune the music out at this point. This marks three songs in a row artist has allegedly had someone “on my d***.” Congrats, fellas. There was more musicality on this tune, too. A whole lot more creative. Pandora didn’t leave the worst for last, but that’s not saying much.
In summary: this one was worse than a dozen mosquito bites, but not as bad as a neck tattoo.
